I Am

I am strong but afraid,

Caring but nervous,

I wonder about my future and everything I can't control.

I see myself falling apart

When I close my eyes at night,

And I am strong, but so afraid.

I want a life worth living,

A body that I can love in the mirror,

A face whose smile isn’t faked.

I want a dog, a puppy who I can hold

In my lap and not worry about judging me.

I want to be a kid again, 

Without a care in the world,

And I want to be strong, but it is so so hard.

I pretend to be ok

When people ask, concerned.

Because it’s easier to pretend than to be,

And what I wished for as a kid

Now seems impossible,

Because I’m afraid

That I am simply not strong enough.

I dream to go to the beach

Dip my toes in the water and sit in the sand

I dream to float in the gentle lulling waves

But I know that even I

Can learn to swim in the roughest of waters

It is not an easy skill, but I am strong enough.